Being on tour we get to meet lots of new people and I’ve got this thing I’ve been doing lately – everytime we go anywhere or I meet anyone I find myself preaching the good word of my latest obsession: Steel Panther.

They’re a new act of out L.A. and they’re a full-on hair metal band! They’re probably in their late 30’s or early 40’s, they look the part to a tee, they have the sound down pat, they’re unbelievable musicians and they absolutely rock!

What’s new and most noticable about Steel Panther though is their lyrics. They mock the 80’s hair metal lifestyle and it’s bloody hilarious! I find myself hanging out with friends singing lines from the songs and showing them multiple side-splitting interviews that you can see on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZGsMfKhGBI

Their catchy songs and anthemic choruses, like Fat Girl (Thar She Blows), Community Property, or Party All Day (Fuck All Night), have me walking down the street, singing their songs in my head, only to realize the absurdity of the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxRQqqVzRLg

Have you heard of this band? If not, I highly suggest you get on this! Shoot me an email and tell me what you think – news[at]modernboysmoderngirls.com

When we’re on the road, we go looking for new music, but this purchase just couldn’t wait. Nevermind “I Might As Well Buy It” this was “I Must Buy It Right Fuckin’ Now”, so I picked up a copy of their new album about a month ago. As we tour around in our van they are a staple when we feel like rocking out and lightening the mood. As soon as I hear them I’m all smiles as is everyone around me.

(a new convert. rockin’ out to Death to All But Metal)

Tomorrow, we’re heading back to Ottawa to play at Irene’s Pub with amazing band and good pals, The Balconies. We’re driving from Toronto together so we’ll see what they think. They better get ready to Feel The Steel!

Brett

Lately no one has wanted to kill me. I say this because of an encounter with a hell’s angel biker I almost ran over (very gently I should say) in Oshawa a week back.  We were on our way to Durham college for an interview on Riot Radio, a bit lost and I got just a teeny bit distracted and kinda slid into the adjacent lane. This guy, I kid you not, looked like James Hetfield on steroids, and his veins didn’t pop with anger, they pulsed.

(seriously, would you mess with this?)

Apparently he banged his fist on our car, trying to get me to come out and meet him for what I can only imagine was a heartfelt, it was no big deal hug – this part, I really don’t remember.  What I do remember, is fighting that snotty instinct of mine of not taking any shit, with luckily the self-preservationist instinct winning over, reminding me that I look better in 3 dimensions and this guy would flatten me into 2 forever.

I’m hoping for a smoother ride to Ottawa today; we are heading to Algonquin Campus to play our second campus gig after last week’s showcase at COCA in Waterloo where we got to play with Birthday Boys, Let’s Go to War and The Framework.

We love Ottawa. This is my 5^th time going this year, and I gotta say, every single time has been an adventure.  It might be out of the way this time ‘round, but last time we couldn’t keep Brett from dancing on tables at ‘Puzzles’, a grimy and entertaining Karaoke bar, but apparently not the kind  where you are allowed to dance on tables (“it’s not that type-a bar!” yelled an old Italian lady, presumably the owner).

(no dancin’ on tables?! Not in this town. There’s eyes everywhere.)

So it’s time to grab the road music – I want to blast somethin’ happy like Sam and Dave and see if we can roll into town early enough to check out some record shops or trip into a bar with a good jukebox. My first dollar into the old player, would go in for the Bee Gee’s.  How ’bout “Stayin’ Alive”.  A song for the tour some might say.

Akira

Guest blogger: Christian Patrick, guitarist for The Black Rainbows, writer, and MBMG best bud. He joined them for their trip to Ottawa and Montreal this past weekend and gives an inside look at life on the road with Modernboys Moderngirls.

**

Oct 22

Every once in a while a band endures a bit of bad luck; a tiny snowball that grows larger and larger until it’s an avalanche of misfortune. In the end, the only thing you can do is shake your head and laugh at the ridiculousity of it all. Or, as MBMG main man Akira proclaimed: this is one of those weekends where you look forward to going home “just to crawl in bed”.

Two dates: Ottawa (Zaphod’s, Oct. 22) and Montreal (Green Room, Oct. 24). From the get-go things were a bit iffy when bassist Juan had to pull out of the Montreal show due to catching H1N1 (or swine flu), leaving MBMG to trudge ahead as a two-piece. It wasn’t so bad as Brett and Akira are more than capable as a live duo, but it was an inkling of things to come.

The Ottawa show looked bleak, with two of the local support bands having to cancel just a week, and in one case, a day before the show. Not surprisingly, this meant only a smattering of people were in attendance. Usually the band’s Ottawa shows are packed, but this was 25 people at best. All was saved, though,  by one middle-aged fat man who looked strikingly like Danny DeVito in Twins. He got the crowd dancing and the Modern Boys felt the energy, exploding on stage as only they can.

(Zaphods. I’m standing next to swine flu, Juan, bassist for MBMG.  You can see it in his face.)

Between the sickness and the poor turnout, the band was a little melancholy, but everyone’s spirits were lifted by one action courtesy of drummer boy Brett. The scene is set outside Zaphod’s:

A poutine stand.

20 people locked in conversation.

One order of poutine.

One homeless man with scraggly beard.

One Brett.

And one plastic fork.

Homeless man: (to Brett) Can you give me some money?

Brett: no man, i’m sorry. I don’t have much.

HM: Please, can you spare something for me?

Brett: …no man….I… I really can’t….

you….

you want some poutine?

HM: (silent)….

Looking down from the homeless man’s face, down to the poutine, Brett dips his fork into the mass of fries and curds and brings it to the homeless man’s mouth. I’ve gotta say that this all happened in slow motion. Everyone around previously locked in conversation were instantaneously silent, with mouths agape, as the fork approached the man’s mouth.

Then it happened. The plastic fork entered said homeless man’s mouth. He really, really got his lips around that fork. Once the man cleaned that fork off, Brett pulled it away (slowly). Everyone remained silent. Waiting. The drummer studied the fork for a brief moment, unsure what to do. I could see it in everyone’s eyes as they screamed silently in their heads: “TOSS THAT FORK!!! GET A NEW FORK!!!”

It didn’t happen, though. Only a drummer could conclude that the logical next step was to dip the same fork back into the poutine and continue eating.

“Annnnnnd … that’s how the swine flu got started,” Akira whispered in my ear as I fought back the dry heaves.
Brett’s explanation: “Well..I didn’t want to appear rude by changing forks”.  Our stomachs hurt from the hours of laughter this whole thing produced.

**

Oct 24

The Montreal show at Green Room was really cool with a great crowd and great support bands – This Invention Matters and Camionette! A very tight MBMG set too, although when Brett’s kick pedal broke his bass drum skin (cutting the band’s set short), it set off a chain of events. Upon waking the next day, the band discovered some drunk asshole had taken a baseball bat to their rental car’s side mirror.

Seeing as it was Sunday, the rental place in Toronto was only open until 4pm. That left the band only six hours to get back to Toronto or else they’d be charged with another day’s rental. … And they came sooooooo close, too.

3:44pm.

Just minutes away from the rental place and suddenly there were sirens behind us. As the officer approached the driver’s side, we knew it was over. In the end, Akira received two traffic violations (should have actually been four) and an additional day for a car rental. From a business perspective, Ottawa/Montreal was a financial disaster. From a comedic standpoint, they were gold! Swine flu, homeless fork, broken mirrors, Ottawa Karaoke night (a story for another day), we didn’t stop laughing when maybe we should’ve been crying.

(me and Akira in Montreal)

There was also some humour in the run-in with the cop. As the constable leaned over and spoke with Akira and reminded him several times about the importance of looking in his mirrors, he never once noticed we had no side view mirror even as he stood right beside it. In its place a mass of wires dangled.

“That cop wasn’t so observant, was he?” Akira retorted.

Oh … and then we almost ran over a black cat.

maybe it wasn’t quite the humanitarian tour.  the comedy of errors tour?

p.s.

the band didn’t buy any records this time out. They managed to spend all their money on poutine, a rental car, traffic tickets, broken mirrors and gas. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks.

I can’t remember where I first heard it or who said it but there’s a saying that goes “whenever you are lost or in a strange town you can just drop into the local record store and you’re at home”.

That might be a slight paraphrase, but nonetheless it’s a saying I’ve related to all my life. No matter where I go I’m instantly at home in any record shop. That familiar smell of dust, cardboard and plastic.   It’s also fun stumbling in to hear what the store clerk might be blasting. Whether it be a recently released triumph (like M. Ward’s “Hold Time”), a soothing classic (like Bob Dylan’s “Blood On The Tracks”) or a rousing smack in the face (like Black Sabbath’s “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath”) you can always look around and see fellow music nerds either bopping their heads, making faces of disapproval or getting into musical debates with their friends. It is its own little world and there’s a handful of them in every town!

I’ve been to quite a few record stores over the course of this tour so far, so when I find myself with a quick weekend stop over at home in Toronto, I felt there was no reason to stop the routine!

So my buddy Matt and I decided we’d celebrate my Saturday at home and the beautiful afternoon with a stroll to the record store and see what gems we could find on the cheap. The only rule being we could not spend over $5! After a good half hour spent letting our fingers stroll through hundreds of titles Matt settled on a copy of Willie Nelson’s “The Red Headed Stranger” for $4. I stumbled across a copy of “Infected” by The The (a band I’ve been meaning to listen to since recently reading a biography on the Smiths where they were mentioned countless times) and a 45 single of Cat Power’s “The Greatest” for $3. Pretty cheap and pretty sweet!!

If home Is where the heart is, my home is where the records are.

As a Canadian musician who plays in a band I’ve heard many horror stories about bands trying to cross the border into the States. I, however, had never experienced such terrors. I’ve played shows in the States a few times before, most recently this past January for a couple of dates in New York City. It’s usually easy as pie. You get to the border, you tell the border guard you’re just going to New York for fun and they send you on your way. That’s pretty much been my experience so far.

This past weekend proved to be quite different. On Friday afternoon we jumped into our rental car and were on our way to play Jamestown, NY.. It was poised to be a packed event and great debut show for us in that city.

We pulled up and our border guard sternly asked for our passports through his stereotypical mustache and expressionless face. We gave our passports and then we watched as things slowly fell apart. “Mustache”, as we’ll call him, looked at us, then looked at our passports and then began typing in his computer. You could see his face getting more and more serious. Quickly darting his eyes back and forth from us, to our passports to his computer. Finally he gets to the regular questions: “Where are you going?” “Why are you going there?” “Who are you staying with?” “How do you all know each other?”, etc. Mustache starts grilling us, treating each response as a major point for suspicion! When Akira said he was staying with his friend in Brooklyn, Mustache responded with “Oh, your friend, eh? Well how do you know this friend?”. When I happened to mention that I wasn’t staying with Akira in Brooklyn but at my own buddy’s place in Manhattan he became even more suspicious. He started getting aggressive and asked “So you guys are coming into the country together but you’re not staying together? You’re staying at different places?“.

At this point we all knew this was not going well at all! When simple answers start to sound like a conspiracy something is wrong. Finally Mustache gets onto his walkie-talkie and says “Tango Hotel. We got 2 system matches, send me back-up!!” Then 5 border guards come and surround the car. “Get outta the car one person at a time and keep your hands where we can see them!”, we were ordered. We were then brought to a glass room, which had a glass door that could only be opened by security. We were locked in!! As it turns out Akira and Juan both matched the description of wanted criminals in the States. We were now faced with the exciting task of trying to prove we were not criminal masterminds and just lowly independent musicians. After 2 and a half hours of nerve racking fun we were taken to a back room where we got finger printed and had our mug shots taken (which I have to say Akira’s was pretty damn bad-ass). In this room our interrogator took a quick chance to become candid with us and talk American punk rock bands and labels; “Ever heard of Crypt Records?”.

So we were sent packin’ and ordered to go back to where we came from. We immediately went for a much needed drink and reflect on what just happened!!! Holy crap that was intense!!! Earlier that day, I had been day dreaming about the amazing record shopping I was going to get done in New York City over the following 2 to 3 days. I was hoping to round out my classic metal & 70’s glam rock collection by looking for the first New York Dolls album on vinyl or Judas Priest’s “Stained Class”.  Not meant to be,  I guess.

If you have any good border-crossing horror stories of your own, email ‘em to me at info(at)modernboysmoderngirls.com and I’ll post ‘em up here

Stay out of prison,

Brett

MBMG

Hey Everyone!

So, we’re off to the worldwide mecca for record collecting! New York City is a tidal wave of record shops waiting to crash down upon me. Every time I go to this city I have to be very, very careful not to blow all my cash on records. My musical tastes are very wide and varied and any of the hundreds of shops there are filled with gems upon gems that make me salivate. Whether it be records by Ruth Brown, Big Joe Turner, Dion, The Sonics, Johnny Thunders, Misfits, Bob Marley, Jacob Miller, James Brown, Ray Charles, Lou Reed, Iron Maiden or anything else that you could possibly imagine (and that’s not even cracking the Jazz artists), it’s there and ready to be consumed. I think my hands are starting to sweat already!

If anyone of you readers can suggest a record shop I may not have heard of or a great album to keep my eyes open and send me an email at info(at)modernboysmoderngirls.com

I’ll be sure to mention the best suggestions and my record results in this blog!

I’ll have to break out the day planner to slot in specific shopping times ’cause, let’s not forget, I’m in town with my band and we got plenty to do on that front as well. We’re playing 4 gigs in 4 days, one of them being a radio performance on Breakthru Radio (breakthruradio.com). Plus we have a whole bunch of friends who live in the city that I’m really looking forward to catching up with.

I also heard about a party in Brooklyn on Sunday night that plays strictly The Smiths & solo Morrissey stuff. Considering I’ve personally been on a big Smith’s/Morrissey kick recently that sounds damn good to me!! Plus NYC’s famous 4am last call makes it easy for me to be sure I have more than enough time to get there.

If you are in the New York area this weekend you can find us at:

Oct 9 Jamestown, NY – Mojo’s

Oct 10 Arlene’s Grocery, 8 pm, Manhattan

Oct 12 Piano’s, 7 pm, Manhattan

Brett, MBMG.

***************************************

This record is one I’ll be looking for – Lou Reed’s Berlin. It had a big impact on me when I first heard it in high school.  It scared the shit out of me, but I was really spellbound by it.  Don’t have it on vinyl, hoping NYC comes through.  Lou Reed record purchased in NYC. It’s meant to be!

Akira, MBMG.

Hey Everyone! Ok, so I finally rounded out my Bruce Springsteen collection. It’s odd sometimes how difficult it can be to find records that you’d think would be obvious. For example, in record shops you’ll always find “The Doors – LA Woman” but hardly ever see “Strange Days”. Is it just me? Maybe …

We were in London, ON on the weekend and had a wonderful breakfast at ‘Campus Hi-Fi’ the day after our show. I think every single person in there was a student at Western University, hence the name of the place and the obvious marketing strategy: 50’s soda shop decor, cheap/tasty food, the word “campus”. I personally enjoyed the guy sitting next to us quizzing his girlfriend on the details of her fake I.D.. “What’s your address?” “What’s your name?”, etc. After the needed food we strolled down the street and bumped into a store simply called “Music . Video . Games” or something like that. We walked in and browsed through their collection of movies and records. There wasn’t much in the way of jaw dropping quality there (read: multiple copies of Barbra Streisand albums & “A Canadian Christmas”) but I managed to stumble across Springsteen’s debut album “Greetings from Ashbury Park, N.J.”. It’s not my favourite album of his but it includes undeniables like ‘Blinded by the Light’ and ‘Growing Up’ which aren’t to be turned away, especially when the record is priced at $1.99. I also grabbed “The Best of Brenda Lee” for $1. She has such a great voice. I’m tagging this one as a great score!!

All of this was following a fun night where we took part in a great touring tradition; Asking from the stage if we could crash on anybody’s floor. A guy named Mark stepped up to the plate and offered us his living room! He had a great house with a jam room in the basement (much like my own) and we stayed up til 6am with his friends & house mates drinking straight rum and some made-up/altered version of white russians – but with rum. Thanks Mark!! A second big thanks to his buddy Joey for introducing us to the “the Hairy Ball Theorem”. A mathematical theory which basically states that no matter how hard you try to keep everything together, something is bound to screw up! Ah, such is life.

- we opened the encylopedia to check the “the hairy ball theorem”

- Juan and Brett (in the middle) are flanked by our new buddies Joey and Mark who let us crash at their place and party into the wee london hours after the show. They were…um…practicing sign language of the best kind.

hey everyone!! y’know what i love? the simple pleasures. like when you go to a new town and find a charming local watering hole to wet your whistle and take in the scene. last night we were in Waterloo, ON to play a show with our buddies, The Balconies. after load-in we went for a stroll and came across a place called “Esther’s Lounge”. a cool little place with hockey on the tvs, late 60’s soul blasting through the speakers and posters on the wall ranging from Groucho Marx to past Waterloo shows from Kiss and Neil Young in their earlier years. But I also couldn’t resist the tag line for the bar; “One Can’t Hurt”. Haha, I couldn’t agree more!! In fact we decide that a couple pitchers couldn’t hurt! This also gave me the opportunity to faun over my record score from when we first rolled into town. I scooped up a copy of Thin Lizzy’s “Johnny The Fox” in fantastic condition! Man, I can’t wait to put the needle to that. What an album!! Back at the venue we hung out and downed some more pitchers of Grasshopper and Big Rock beers. Mmmmm delicious! Back stage after the set we did an interview  with a guy named Mike who a digital recorder and was looking for interviews. We quickly decided to band together with The Balconies and do the interview together as “The Modern Balconies” ….it got pretty ridiculous and I can’t wait to hear how it sounds. When it comes to the content of that interview I’ll reference Thin Lizzy and say “Don’t Believe A Word”.

Hey Everyone!! So we’re off to the sprawling town of Barrie, ON tonight to play the with our friends in The Junction. It’s their CD release party and should be a great time!! We’re rocking a club called Oscars which is one of those Restaurant by day, crazy rock club by night places. There seems to be a growing number of these in every city.I also heard about a record store there called “Beat Goes On”. Hopefully it pans out.After that we’re off to Hamilton, ON (a.k.a. the Hammer) to play a great venue called Club Absinthe with an awesome band from Montreal – Kill The Lights! Really looking forward to this!! Stay tuned for all the details from these shows and the others that follow!!